Thursday, November 6, 2008

It was 2 years ago today...

It shouldn't be, but Halloween is always a sad day to me now. Two years ago, we went in for a normal 17 week check-up and they couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. We sat anxiously in the waiting room for a sonogram and when it was our turn, they immediately found the heartbeat. I laid there crying tears of relief as they continued to check our baby over and looking at her on the monitor. Then came the words that changed my life forever... there was something wrong with my baby. The technician starting pointing out all these problems and I just laid there thinking it was all a dream, a really bad dream. I immediately looked over at my two perfect little girls who were so confused by everything going on around them. I remember leaving the doctor's office and going back to our car. Don and I got the girls in and I just sat in the front seat bawling. The next thing I knew, Madison was there with her arm around my shoulder, singing to me. It was the sweetest sound on such a horrible day. And it was then I realized I had to pull myself up off the floor and go back to being a mom. Today was Halloween and our girls deserved a happy Halloween even if our world was crumbling around us.

Two years later, I still remember that day like it was yesterday. I sit here crying as I type this because I miss my beautiful baby girl so much. It has been over 19 months since I got to hold Reese and kiss her and tell her I love her. She will forever be my angel. My perfect little baby that in the one hour and nine minutes she was with us, taught me more about life and love and family than I will ever learn any place else. I know she watches over our family and one day I will be able to hold her again... she will be waiting for me in Heaven and I will get to spend the rest of eternity with my baby girl that had a much greater purpose than staying here could ever fulfill. I know God has a reason for everything, and I may not know why Reese couldn't stay here with us, why He didn't choose to heal her, but I trust that He knows what is best for me and my family.

So here we are on Halloween again. Madison will be the beautiful Sleeping Beauty today. Lily will transform into Cinderella. Taegan will be my little monkey (his nickname since he was born). And then Reese, I will remember her all day and be so thankful that she will always be my angel. Our family of six complete.

1 comment:

Laura Fluke said...

I know I am learning about your baby girl Reese, what a journey you and your family have been on, I couldn't imagine going through this. What a story to tell to reach people. You are a strong lady!